I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
