just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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