I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
