She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize