he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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