6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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