marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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