i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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