Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
