We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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