I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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