I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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