Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
