I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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