If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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