bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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