if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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