Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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