I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
