getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
