So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
