The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize