First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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