3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
