my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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