I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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