Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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