lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
