So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
