so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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