She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
