He asked me if I "almost moaned"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize