If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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