Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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