SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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