I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize