she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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