I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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