Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
