Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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