just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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