miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
