in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize