I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
