If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize