Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
