So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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