Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
