I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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