I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
