Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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