so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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