respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
