I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
