Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
