I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Found your dick twin last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
