Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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