As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize