Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
