I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
