I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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