I hate all girls vehemently.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
