I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
