We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
