I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
