im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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