the condom got lost in my hair
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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